Do you ever feel like you are carrying way too much, like you can’t lighten your mental load no matter what you do?
In short: you can’t manage your way out of carrying too much. The Backpack™ exercise below helps you list everything you’re hauling, sort what’s truly yours from what isn’t, and release one thing at a time. Awareness first, then choice.
I once worked with a client who was shouldering everything. Not just her own work, but also the invisible weight of her entire team.
She said yes to her boss. Extra projects piled on. Delegation never happened. This wasn’t because she craved control. She simply didn’t want to burden anyone else.
Eventually, by the time she came to me, she was overwhelmed. She didn’t even know where to begin.
That’s when I introduced her to The Backpack™, one of the core thinking models in my Queen of Everything™ work.
Together, we unpacked what she was carrying:
- The work she never said no to
- The guilt of not doing enough
- The pressure to be “the one who holds it all together”
Months later, she had to take two weeks off unexpectedly to care for a sick family member.
When she came back, what struck her was this: her team had carried on without her, because she had already done the work to set them up for success.
Projects moved forward. Work got done. As a result, she was able to return without guilt or fear that everything had fallen apart.
She told me, “I was able to step away, focus on family, and trust that things still got done.”
She moved from believing she had to hold everything…
To realizing her team could thrive without her constant lifting.
And that’s what becomes possible when you begin to lighten your mental load.
That shift, the movement from weighed down Sherpa to Royal clarity, is the path to becoming your own Queen of Everything (QOE).
Not by doing more, but by deciding what belongs.
The Invisible Backpack We All Carry
We all walk around with an invisible backpack on our backs. It carries everything we are hauling in life and work: the roles, the responsibilities, the shoulds, the emotional labour, the habits, the helping, the proving. Every bit of it.
Each time we say yes without pausing, something new is added. And every time we fail to release what no longer serves, something remains.
At first, that backpack may feel aligned with your current role. Like your job, your commitments, your identity. However, most of us never unpack the older loads. We carry them too.
- The project you never officially released? Still inside.
- The role of “the responsible one”? Still strapped on.
- The invisible labour of noticing, fixing, following up? That too.
Over time we become like Sherpas, hiking uphill with three backpacks on our shoulders, two in our hands, and someone else’s bag balanced on our head. No wonder we feel stretched too thin.
Reflection Prompt: What is the most recent yes I gave that squeezed my capacity?
Why Time Management Won’t Lighten Your Mental Load
One of the most common things I hear in coaching conversations is, “I just need better time management.” However, beneath that lies a deeper truth:
“I feel overwhelmed, guilty, behind, and somehow both too needed and not needed enough.”
It is not that you are failing at time. The problem is often design, not discipline. You are not carrying it badly. You are carrying too much.
The shift begins when you pause long enough to ask yourself:
“Does this even belong in my backpack?”
The Queen’s Backpack Pause: A Simple Practice
This simple exercise helps you see what’s in your pack so you can ease the mental weight you’re carrying.
Try this today:
- Grab a sheet of paper.
You’ll need enough room for two lists.
- Draw two columns.
Leave plenty of space to write.
- Label Column 1:
“These belong in my backpack.”
- Label Column 2:
“These probably belong elsewhere.”
- Without overthinking:
List all tasks, roles, responsibilities, feelings, obligations that come to mind.
That is it. For now, don’t judge or move anything yet. Instead, just notice what is there. Clarity begins with seeing what’s there.
Reflection Prompt: Which “backpack layers” do I suspect I’m still hauling?
How to Decide What Stays and What Goes
Knowing what’s in the pack is step one. Deciding what to release is step two. Some readers may wonder: “How do I let go without harm, without guilt?”
Here’s a gentle approach:
- Add a third column: “What I want to release (with steps).”
- Ask yourself, is there a person or department that owns this responsibility today?
- Choose one or two responsibilities to share this week and notice how it helps you release a mental burden. Think of these like a T-ball, poised for ease: easy to hand off, not a high-stakes fastball that needs perfect delivery.
- Prepare for boundary conversations. When you begin to release, others will notice. Those transitions may require open dialogues.
You do not have to empty your backpack overnight. Even so, you can begin creating space one item at a time.
If this idea speaks to you, I recommend reading Essentialism by Greg McKeown. It’s a powerful take on doing less, but better, and aligns beautifully with the Queen of Everything mindset.
From Sherpa to Royal You
You were never meant to be the Sherpa for everyone else’s chaos. Instead, you get to choose what you carry. You get to decide what matters now. You get to step into the Royal You.
Be the one who leads with clarity, who knows her worth without over-carrying to prove it.
Being capable does not automatically mean you should carry more.
Setting something down does not mean you are dropping the ball. It means you are trusting that ease and excellence can coexist.
Just like that client I mentioned, she didn’t just shed burdens. She transformed how she led: with trust, clarity, and true delegation.
That is the Queen of Everything energy: not doing it all, but discerning what is truly yours, what can be shared, and what no longer serves. You don’t earn your worth by over-carrying. You lead by choosing what matters, as defined by you, and letting that be enough.
Action Steps You Can Do Now
- Do The Queen’s Backpack Pause exercise above.
- Choose one item from Column 2 or Column 3 to test release for a week.
- Journal on: If I carried only what aligned with my values and is truly within my role, what would I let go?
Questions I Hear Often
Usually because the problem is design, not discipline. If your days are full of roles, expectations, and invisible labour that no longer fit, no calendar system will fix that. Overwhelm is often a signal that you’re carrying too much, not managing too little. The shift begins when you stop asking how to fit it all in and start asking what belongs in your backpack at all.
Start with awareness, not action. List everything you’re carrying in two columns: what belongs in your backpack and what probably belongs elsewhere. Then release one small thing at a time. Choose a low-stakes handoff first, notice what happens, and prepare for the boundary conversations that follow. You don’t have to empty the pack overnight.
The Backpack™ is a thinking model I use with coaching clients. Picture everything you carry in life and work: roles, responsibilities, shoulds, emotional labour, habits, helping, proving. Every unexamined yes adds something. Most of us never unpack the older loads, so we carry those too. Naming what’s in the pack is the first step toward lightening it.
Guilt usually softens when you see delegation as trust rather than abandonment. One client of mine stepped away for two weeks and found her team thriving, because she had already set them up to succeed. Setting something down does not mean dropping the ball. Start with a T-ball handoff, something easy and low-stakes, and let the evidence speak.
In my experience, rarely. After more than 4,500 coaching sessions, the pattern I see is that capable people don’t lack discipline. They’re carrying loads that were never theirs to hold. Time management rearranges the weight. Deciding what belongs removes it. That is a discernment question, not a scheduling one.
That’s common. Some loads are so familiar they feel like part of you. If you want help sorting what stays, what goes, and what gets handed off, you’re welcome to start a conversation. No pressure, just a place to think clearly.
Ready to unpack your own backpack? Let’s explore what’s truly yours to carry.
If you want guided help deciding what to keep and what to release, I’d love to walk with you.
If you’re ready to lighten your mental load and step into your Queen of Everything leadership, start a conversation. Or revisit my guide on values-based decision making.
Remember: you do not have to carry it all. You get to choose what stays, what goes, and what truly matters to you. That is the heart of the Queen of Everything™ mentality.
Travel light. Live free. Lead as the Royal You.
~ Cathy
Coach, Author & Strategist
Helping leaders and high-capacity people move what matters with clarity, intention, and self-trust.
📌 If this resonated with you, save it for the next time you’re carrying more than you should, or share it with someone who needs the reminder.
Feature photo by Alvaro Palacios from Pexels
